See we have known that we were pregnant for about a month now. We held off on telling people until we met with our doctor to confirm the pregnancy. A week ago we finally met with our doctor and was hoping to see our baby at 8 weeks old and hear the little heartbeat. When the doctor did the ultrasound he said he saw the baby only measuring at 6 weeks. He said he couldn't see anything wrong so we just needed to come back in 2 weeks and see if the baby had grown at all. When we looked at the possible conception date, it made sense that we might have miscalculated things and that the baby could possibly be only 6 weeks. So Cody and I decided to tell people the good news. We knew that even if we did have a miscarriage people were going to find out anyways and it's nice to have that support during those times. Anyways we announced it and all that fun stuff. We went on our fun little lives. I was feeling great, no problems, no morning sickness, no nothing. For some reason the whole time I was wondering what if I had a miscarriage or thinking that I was going to have one. I started reading this book by John Bytheway that talks about scriptures to help us overcome trials. Maybe I was reading that to help prepare me for what was to come. Who knows.
Friday night, Cody and I were getting ready to go out on a date when I noticed I was spotting a little bit. I never spotted with Dean so this scared me a bit. I know spotting can be normal so I was trying to remain calm. We called and talked to a nurse and she said to call if it got worse. I felt fine for the rest of the night and the next morning. Saturday was a normal day. I usually take naps when Dean does, so after he woke I woke up, went to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding. I called Cody at work to let him know just in case he needed to come home, and then called the nurse and they said we could come in if we felt like we needed to. I told Cody that for my own peace of mind I wanted to go in. Cody was at work about an hour away so he actually called in one of his buddies that was working on the ambulance that day and personally requested him to pick me up and transport me to the hospital. One of Cody's coworkers took Dean for us which was really helpful not having to worry about him. One of our friend's Scott came by and gave me a blessing which actually helped a lot. It made me feel more at peace and ready for whatever God had planned. When the ambulance showed up, they placed me on the gurney and wheeled me away. The paramedic was a guy I have met once or twice and it was nice having someone I knew take me to the hospital, since Cody wasn't there. We got to the hospital and maybe 10 minutes later Cody arrived. The hospital took a few different blood and urine tests and after I think 2 hours (lost track of time) the ER doctor came in saying he was 99% sure we had a miscarriage and to meet with my OB sometime this week. So that was it. It was a bit weird cuz I wasn't bleeding a lot and I didn't have a lot of pain, but I most likely lost the little baby inside of me.
It was really hard to swallow all the news, but the last few days I have been learning to say in my prayers "it is not my will but thy will be done". As much as I didn't want to admit to the Lord that it really is His will and His choice. I think in ways he wanted me to say it before much else happened. I know that whatever happens in my life has a purpose. The Lord is blessing us in so many ways and for some reason He needed us to pass through this trial at this time and to learn from it. Cody and I aren't worried we won't be able to have more children at all. We are calm and peaceful at the fact that we are in the Lord's hands. I know many people go through either having a miscarriage or losing a child and it is very hard. Cody and I have struggled and have felt this loss in our lives (it was one of our children after all), but we are going to go forward and are ready for this next step in life. A lot of people have mentioned that they are impressed with my attitude with this. I was talking to Cody about it and really feel that this is the best way to go. I can't sulk and mope for something that I cannot prevent. I am taking time for myself to let myself feel the loss, but I am hopeful and positive that there is a greater purpose to all of this. It is what I feel deep down inside and what I KNOW is true.
We are meeting with our doctor this week and he will tell us what to do next so who knows, we may have another child by the end of this year after all. We shall see what the Lord has in store for us. Thanks again to all the people that love and support us. You have no idea what a blessing this is in our life. We love you and hope the best for you in your lives